#52: Yojimbo
Good morning!
I think this might be a Wednesday newsletter now, okay?
IF you have not started the new season of GBBS or Sex Education, I’m sure there’s a very good reason and you don’t have to tell me why, but I also think you should reprioritize your entire life because they are FEEL GOODS. And when we’re all already feeling good about the onset of fall, why not try to multiply the FEEL GOODS.
#52: Yojimbo
Director: Akira Kurosawa
Country: Japan
Year: 1961
Runtime: 110 minutes
Language: Japanese
**As always, this post contains spoilers**
CW: Death, physical violence
I missed him. I’ve now seen 6 of Toshiro Mifune’s movies and I hope this is just the beginning because I...love him?
We get Mifune straight out of the gate, y’allll. He plays a rōnin (a samurai without a master) named Sanjuro. His hair (wig) is a little bit whack but that’s okay! We don’t demand perfection in this house!
As we see Sanjuro wandering down a rural road, the screen reads, “The time is 1860...the emergence of a middle class has brought about the end to power of the Tokugawa Dynasty…”
Listen to me. Every movie that needs to have this, should have this (you know who you are). Tell me. What. Is. Happening.
“A samurai, once a dedicated warrior in the employ of Royalty, now finds himself with no master to serve other than his own will to survive…”
Also, he is team Socks With Sandals. Just so you know.
“...and no devices other than his wit and his sword.”
So my dude is just walking around aimlessly until he stumbles upon an older couple arguing about their son who has become a gambler. Honestly, I was distracted because the wife was weaving on a loom and I love weaving. Basically, they’re disappointed in their son. 🎶 tale as old as tiiiimmmee 🎶
Also, the bald caps are back, babes.
Sanjuro walks a little further into a small town and sees a dog carrying a severed human hand which, as far as bad omens go, has to be up there as one of the worst.
A group of scallywags with swords surround him and he, smartly, walks away and enters a tiny pub-like establishment (an izakaya) which is run by a single dude, Gonji (Eijirō Tōno). Sanjuro gets some plain cold rice and I know I’ve been on Rice Dish Tik Tok too much lately because it looks really good.
Gonji unloads on Sanjuro about how bleak life is there. There’s lots of gambling and poverty and a gang rivalry! We learn that there are two gangs led by two dudes: Seibei and Ushitora.
Follow me. The mayor, who is also a broke silk trader, Tazaemon, apparently is on Seibei’s side because he pays him to be. Across the street is Tokuemon, a sake brewer, who is on Ushitora’s side for the same reason. Apparently, Tokuemon is Single White Female-ing Tazaemon because he also has gotten into silk and wants to be the new mayor.
And they just tell us all this! Just straight up say it. Beautiful.
Anyway, Gonji is over all of the drama and tells Sanjuro he should probably skidaddle. But Sanjuro says he likes it there and wants to stay. He realizes, as a master swordsman, he will get paid for killing and the town is “full of men who are better off dead.” !!!
He immediately walks to the center of town and calls for Seibei, asking if he wants to buy him as a bodyguard (which is what yojimbo means in Japanese). He basically says watch what I can do! and walks back to that rag tag group of skallywags to bait them into a fight since they are Ushitora’s men. Which is absurdly easy to do by simply telling them they have cute faces #toxicmasculinity #malefragility
In less than 3 seconds he’s killed two of them and cut one guy’s arm off. He’s still got it 🥰
Seibei (Seizaburo Kawazu) is impressed and offers Sanjuro 3 ryo to be his bodyguard, which is apparently offensive, so Sanjuro heads for Ushitora’s as Seibei keeps raising his offer, all the way to 50 ryo. Sanjuro accepts, demanding 25 ryo up front. This is a lesson in knowing your worth, folks. I also think it helps to actually have skills but that’s not this newsletter. Seibei thinks they should just raid Ushitora’s men and wipe them all out (why is this a new idea?).
Sanjuro overhears Seibei’s wife, Orin (Isuzu Yamada), suggest that after the big raid on Ushitora’s men, their son, Yoichiro (Hiroshi Tachikawa), should kill Sanjuro so they don’t have to pay him the rest of the 50 ryo. Also, it would make their family look good in town. Brilliant plan!
Everyone gathers for the fight, but before it can begin, Sanjuro gives Seibei’s money back and says “laterrrr” because he does not want to work for people who want to kill him? He goes to Seibei’s rival, Ushitora (Kyū Sazanka), and tells him he is no longer working for Seibei. I think he hopes they’ll just fight each other as he watches from high up on top of a building.
I don’t know how, exactly, Sanjuro would benefit from this but maybe he’s just bored and wants a show which . . . in this economy? I don’t blame him.
Unfortunately, there’s no fight because a government official rides into town and everyone scatters. Ushitora approaches Sanjuro, gives him 30 ryo upfront, and offers to hire him. The government official is leaving tomorrow because a fellow officer was killed one town over (this is not a coincidence, we will soon learn!) so they can get back to killin’ once he’s gone. Hatred of cops is historically prolific. Sanjuro tells Ushitora he needs to hear Seibei’s offer first.
Unfortunately for Sanjuro, apparently Ushitora and Seibei decide to make nice and end their rivalry at the suggestion of the government official.
Ummmmmm there’s another hottie in town? And he has a gun? His name is Unosuke (Tatsuya Nakadai) and he is Ushitora’s younger brother. It’s very windy and dusty and he looks great in the dusty wind.
That night, Sanjuro hears two of Ushitora’s drunk men talking about how they killed the officer in the town over. This is hot goss because if the government finds out, Ushitora is toast and Seibei can have total control of the town.
Sanjuro, who is just a shit stirrer at this point, tells Seibei about Ushitora’s men killing the officer and brings the two killers to him. Seibei pays him for the two men.
THEN Sanjuro approaches Ushitora and tells him that Seibei’s men overheard the two guys talking about the killing and they captured them. Sanjuro sahs “this information is too good to be free” and Ushitora literally opens his purse and lets him take as much as he wants! Sanjuro is 1) a little stinker and 2) so good at all of this, it’s absurd.
Ushitora orders the kidnapping of Seibei’s son, Yoichiro, whom he offers in exchange for his two captured men. Actually, everyone is so good at all of this. I could never.
During the exchange, though, the new hot gun-toting brother of Ushitora, Unosuke, shoots and kills the two captured men. But! Seibei knew this was going to happen and preemptively captured Seibei’s girlfriend. Sanjuro’s thoughts on this twist? “Interesting.” Indeed!
The next day, the woman is exchanged for Seibei’s still-kidnapped son, Yoichiro. Afterward, his mom smacks him around and says, “Why didn’t you bite your tongue off and die?” Yikes!
Sanjuro learns that Ushitora’s captured girlfriend, Nui (Yoko Tsukasa), is actually his mistress and is married to a local farmer who lost her in a gambling bet to Ushitora. Ushitora, in turn, gave her to Tokuemon (the sake brewer who wants to be mayor) in exchange for his allyship. Which is such a sad couple of sentences.
But don’t worry, Sanjuro will take even THIS as an opportunity for himself. He tells Oshitura he’s decided to be his bodyguard for 30 ryo in advance, 30 ryo when they win. Sanjuro trickily gets Ushitora to show him where Nui’s safe house is. When he arrives, Sanjuro kills all 6 of Oshitura’s men guarding her (in . . . ~11 seconds) and reunites her with her husband and son. He gives them his 30 ryo.
Sanjuro trashes the safe house to make it look like a huge group ransacked the place. Basically, whatever is bad for the gander (the town) is very good for the goose (Sanjuro) so the goose is trying to cause as much tension in the gander as possible. Nui and her family flee.
Ushitora and his men show up to the trashed safe house and Sanjuro’s like damn ya’ll, look what happened isn’t that crazyyyy. Looks like 15 or 16 men sacked this place... Which is such a cool way to brag. They also agree that Seibei probably kidnapped Nui and her family.
Ushitora burns down Tazaemon’s silk warehouse in retaliation, since he’s Seibei’s ally and, in turn, Seibei trashes Tokuemon’s sake brewery, because he is Ushitora’s ally. A gd mess, y’all.
However, #2 hottie and NRA member, Unosuke, starts to feel that Sanjuro is very sus (he IS) and he confronts him at Gonji’s tavern about some sus stuff: like, he’s definitely strong enough to kill 6 men alone plus some people saw Nui and her family flee which means Seibei didn’t kidnap her. Unosuke is, of course, pointing a gun at Sanjuro the whole time. Also, why is the one guy in the whole town with a gun not in charge of literally everything?
Anyway, they find a thank you note to Sanjuro from Nui and her husband. Whoops! Ushitora’s men beat up Sanjuro and torture him to get more info about Nui’s whereabouts. Of course he doesn’t say a peep and is tossed around like a rag doll.
But while he’s left alone, he’s able to escape and hide while they search for him. He looks like total shit, but is able to drag himself to Gonji, who, with the help of the undertaker, helps him escape in a coffin.
Meanwhile, Ushitora plans to completely destroy Seibei by setting his house on fire. As Sanjuro is being carried out in the coffin, he sees Seibei’s house on fire and he and all his family being slaughtered by Ushitora’s men as they flee.
Gonji is finally able to get Sanjuro out of there and although he looks like Gerard Way (not a compliment), he’s able to recover in a nearby temple. However, he soon hears that Gonji was captured by Ushitora because they found medicine in his pocket for Sanjuro.
Sanjuro is NOT having it because Gonji is the only person besides himself that he’s truly loyal to, so he returns to the town.
Y’all know what happens: he kills every single one of Ushitora’s men with ease. As he’s dying, Unosuke tells Sanjuro he feels naked without his gun and asks Sanjuro if he can hold it as he’s dying, Charlton Heston style. This guy would’ve done SO well in our current American timeline.
Right before he dies, he calls Sanjuro “samurai trash” and says, “The entrance to hell . . . I’ll be waiting there for you!” Haha!
Sanjuro frees Gonji from the ropes FINALLY (he has been tied up for like 15 movie minutes) and Sanjuro struts out of town.
THE END.
I just . . . I love the logic of samurai movies: that fine line between villain and hero. I love how in this one specifically, the desperate tension and sky-high stakes are balanced with a comedy that makes it all feel fun.
And I love that the next movie is the sequel, Sanjuro! It’s going to be awhile before we get another Toshiro Mifune vehicle, so I’m going to enjoy it while I can! Join me!
XOXO,
Steph